Mini Review: “Sounds Fake but Okay: An Asexual and Aromantic Perspective on Love, Relationships, Sex, and Pretty Much Anything Else” by Sarah Costello & Kayla Kaszyca

Release Date: February 21, 2023
Publisher: Jessica Kingsley Publishers
Genre: Non-Fiction


Somehow, over time, we forgot that the rituals behind dating and sex were constructs made up by human beings and eventually, they became hard and fast rules that society imposed on us all.’

True Love. Third Wheels. Dick pics. ‘Dying alone’. Who decided this was normal?

Sarah and Kayla invite you to put on your purple aspec glasses – and rethink everything you thought you knew about society, friendship, sex, romance and more.

Drawing on their personal stories, and those of aspec friends all over the world, prepare to explore your microlabels, investigate different models of partnership, delve into the intersection of gender norms and compulsory sexuality and reconsider the meaning of sex – when allosexual attraction is out of the equation.

Spanning the whole range of relationships we have in our lives – to family, friends, lovers, society, our gender, and ourselves, this book asks you to let your imagination roam, and think again what human connection really is.

Includes exclusive ‘Sounds Fake But Okay’ podcast episodes.

My Thoughts

I loved that this started off with a glossary then into the personal experiences of the authors. Both are super helpful for readers both who are coming into this trying to understand ace- and arospec identities and who are looking to understand their own experiences. The whole book is structured like that—taking each topic and having the two authors address them from their perspectives. The chapters are written in a conversational tone that should feel welcoming to Millennials and Gen Z (and Gen Alpha in the next few years). It’s not designed to be a scholarly resource, but that doesn’t discount its value. That said, I do wish there had been a little more depth to it. And it might have helped to have “guest” chapters or sections where ace- and arospec people with other intersectional identities could contribute to the conversation. 

There are also QR codes and links to bonus podcast episodes on how Costello and Kaszyca put together each chapter. Not sure how necessary those were, but I’m sure some readers will find that useful. And anyway, as a promotional tool for their podcast (of the same title as the book) it makes sense why they’d be there. 

A good addition to library collections aimed at young adults.

Available through (affiliate link)

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